Unrequited And Untitled
by danicaamiee
Summary: Just an original story i wrote for fun. Based on true events.
1. Chapter 1

**Hellooo. I decided to post this on here because it's easier for certain people to access. Otherwise it's also available on Wattpad. So yeah. Enjoyeth! And I apologize for any spelling or grammar issues. So don't hate. **

"_**We accept the love we think we deserve."- The Perks Of Being A Wallflower. **_

Chapter One: Everybody Needs An Introduction

I've never really been fond of the mush to be honest. You're probably thinking, 'What is mush?' right, well mush is generally the way people act towards each other in relationships. All gooey and lovey and it literally makes me sick. Now I'm not saying that I hate relationships, I actually think they are quite lovely, but if you're 14 and are already proclaiming your love for someone, well then something is wrong with you.

They tell us that we all have a soul mate. Someone with who connects and understand us in every way. Someone who we are instantly attracted to for a very long time. And I generally believe that is true, everyone _does _have a soul mate. But not everyone finds that person in their lifetime. And that is incredibly unfortunate. But I think there is something worst, I think that there is something more horrible, gut wrenching and depressing than not finding that person. And that is finding that person, that _soul mate _but unfortunately it's unrequited. Now, you're probably confused or not, whatever. But it is indeed possible to be in love with someone, for them to be _your _soul mate and for you to not be _theirs. _

X

Starting a new school is always hard, especially when it's high-school. They say it's the best time of your life. Well it didn't seem like it. Being me I was already thinking about my future and obsessing over how perfect my grades had to be to get into university. But before I elaborate further, I should probably introduce myself.

My name is Danielle and I'm 14 years old and starting grade eight. I have medium light brown hair and I'm rather chubby, what can I say, food is amazing. I like heavy metal and all things dark and I tend to obsess over bands and guys with swoopy hair. There's more to me, but we'll get to that later.

It was about 9:30am as my mother dropped me off in front of the school for orientation. The school was big, no really it was gigantic. The front of the school was large and brown and looked somewhat like a prison. Blue railing gates went all around the school as if the school contained dangerous prisoners that would try to escape.

I walked through the gate that was already widely left open. A few cars were in the parking lot, not fancy cars because with a teacher's salary who can afford a nice car.

The front of the school was tall. There was glass doors widely left open. About 6 prefects stood on the side of each door. They were wearing the classic navy blue blazer but with yellow stripes on them and badges advertising their brilliants. I walked towards the door rather nervously.

"Hello", the first girl greeted. I nodded my head acknowledging her greeting. I couldn't not reply due to the fact that no words could escape my mouth. I was shaking terribly. "You need to un tuck your shirt", one of the male prefects said. I looked back at him in confusion. Usually you were expected to tuck your shirt in not the other way round. He repeated himself, more stern and demanding. I nodded my head and un tucked my shirt.

I was now standing in the foyer. The shiny red brick floor seemed slippery beneath my feet. I looked to my right and saw the office. I looked to my left and saw a spiral staircase leading upstairs to where I presumed the classrooms were. And in front of me was a small door, where more prefects stood. One of them motioned for me to walk forwards, and I did. "Go sit inside there", one of them said pointing inside at the door. I walked through the door and found myself in a hall. There were many other people inside it. On the left side the girls were sitting in all neat rows cross legged. And on the right side all the guys were doing the same. I walked over to the left side and took a seat. The prefects were walking up and down the hall making sure everyone was dead silent. No-one dared to speak, everyone was too petrified too even move.

More and more students gathered in the hall, the prefects that were outside walked in, one by one and got on the stage. One of them in particular stood behind the podium. She was skinny and had a dark complexion. Her black hair was sleeked perfectly into high pony tail. Her uniform was neat and she stood up straight, a pitiful grin on her face. "Good morning", she said. "Good morning", we all uttered back to her in a monotone voice. "Right, welcome to grade 8 orientation. I am Alicia, head girl and I will be explaining a few rules about this school to you, show you around, introduce you to your teachers and make sure you know your place, understand?", she said vigorously. No-one answered. "Right now let's start off with the rules, you will have a full blown uniform check, all of you stand up now." She said, and immediately everyone stood up. A sea of prefects filled the gaps and checked every last person. Our shirt had to be un tucked, our socks had to be rolled over exactly two times, we had to be wearing no makeup, our blazer had to buttoned up all the way, our skirt has to be four fingers from our knees and our hair had to be tied up, with absolutely no stray hairs sticking out. Obviously similar but different rules applied to the boys. Numerous people got pulled to the front for defaults in their appearance, either it was because they were wearing make-up and were sent to wash it off or their hair was too long and had to get a letter sent home so it could be fixed. It was chaos but they had no problem with me so I was slightly calmer. When they were done thoroughly inspecting us for faults, they let us sit down again.

Alicia started talking again. "Now, tomorrow you will receive the code of conduct, and you will have to sign it, and by signing it you agree to following rules", she said. She then began to go over the basic rules of the school, nothing drastic just the simple, no smoking, drinking, cursing, PDA or disrespect etc. We all agreed. Then she got out a large chart. It depicted a ladder of sorts. It was titled, 'The food chain'. "Now, you see, you need to learn your place. You, as grade eights, are right at the bottom of the food chain. Followed by grade 9's, 10's, 11's, prefects, seniors, teachers, deputies and then the principal." Who sat right at the top of the food chain. If trying to make us feel small and insignificant was their goal, well then they succeeded. "You will greet every adult that walks past you, if you don't you could get into serious trouble, you need to learn respect and where your place is, for example, if a grade 9 is walking towards you, you move out of the way, they are above you, as is everyone else, do you understand?", she asked. We all nodded. "Good, because if you don't you will very quickly." She said. "Alright we will call your names and divide you into your classes." she said. One by one everyone got called up. The girls and boys were in separate classes. I was called in the fourth set. I awkwardly stood up and made my way to the line. I was petrified. I knew no-one here.

Each class was assigned a prefect and was to be shown around the school. We walked around and they showed us where our classes would be, the annexes and the fields. It was a pretty large school and it would take me a rather long time to memorize every inch of the school, but it looked like I didn't have a choice.

X

The first few weeks of school went by rather quickly; I made a few friends, my main being an awkwardly chubby, dark skinned girl named Haley. Haley was generally okay to hang out with, she liked pop music though and somewhat turned me off the friendship.

It was sports day and we were walking around the field watching the festivities take place. Haley was playing some pop music really loudly off her bright pink Nokia phone. I checked my blackberry to see what the time was. "Hey, do you want to sit on the bleachers? I'm kind of tired of walking around", she said. I agreed. We were walking around all day and it was rather tiring. Haley and I sat down rather close to a group of first aiders. They didn't notice us at first. "Hey, do you think Marc will be around?" Haley asked me. Haley had this thing for this guy Marc, and it was generally reciprocated. They had a rather complicated relationship; he liked her, but not in public. You see Haley wasn't the best looking of people, and I say with all respect. He didn't want his friends to know he was seeing her. They would meet in corners to hug occasionally. Some days he would act like she never existed. It was actually quite sad; she resorted to self-harm and hating herself. "I don't know, we can keep an eye out for him", I said reluctantly. She perked up at this and her eyes began scanning the sea of people on the field. "Hello there", a voice said from next us. We looked over to see who the voice belonged too. It belonged to a rather small chubby white guy. His head was shaped like a rectangle and his hair was cut short and spikey. He introduced himself as 'Adam'. He began talking to Haley, I somewhat zoned out until Adam said something that grabbed my attention. "Don't pay attention to him, just listen to this", he said talking to his friend sitting next to him. His friend was somewhat tall and skinny, red-brownish hair and glasses, but yet impeccably handsome. Adam handed him a pair of earphones and began playing something from his phone. "It's Rocky Horror", Adam said. "I love Rocky Horror!" I exclaimed. It was true, I loved The Rocky Horror Picture Show ever since I was small, my dad used to play the sound track all the time and I would sing with. "So does he", Adam motioned towards his friend who looked rather concentrated on the music he was listening too. He took one headphone out and let it dangle. I was sitting next to Haley who was sitting next to Adam who was sitting next to his friend. Now I was interested. I leaned over Haley and asked, "Do you like Green Day?" I asked. Adam's friend nodded. Finally! I have found someone who likes my favorite band. I started to get slightly excited. "Radiohead? My Chemical Romance? Muse? Nirvana?" I asked. He nodded to every band I mentioned. I really started to get excited now. "I'm Danielle by the way", I said smiling partially. "Eli", he said. I nodded. "Well we have to go to another post", Adam said. The other first aiders are calling us. They got up and walked. They waved at us and we waved back. Eli. He intrigued me, he really did.

After sitting on the bleachers for a rather long time listening to horrible pop music, they announced that the sports day was over. And that the all the grade 8's had to report to our usual line up spot. I scanned the crowd for Eli for some reason. Once we were all seated in our lines I noticed Eli sitting in second grade 8 class. I sighed, I was glad we were in the same grade. Then I glanced to the third grade 8 class that was seated next our class. Right in the front I saw a saw guy arguing with a prefect. He was enjoying it though. He was medium completion and really tall. He had bright green eyes and looked horribly similar to Taylor Lautner. I am pretty sure I had never seen anyone _that _good looking in my life. Suddenly thoughts about Eli had slipped away and I was now determined to find out whom that Taylor look alike was.

Our grade head soon stood in front of us with a grin. She was large lady with bright orange hair tied to the back. She told us that because we were grade eights we had to clean up the field. Of course no-one protested because she was incredibly frightening. Everyone split up into groups and began cleaning the field. "This is such bull", my friend Mandy said. Mandy was super skinny and had thick blond hair. She has dated more guys then I can count, even she can't remember the number. She had a good heart though. Not to mention that her and Haley were competing for Marc. We all knew who would win but no-one ever commented.

I groaned in response. Eventually we were finished and were allowed to go home. It had been a long day; I walked out of the gates and saw Eli talking to a girl. It affected me slightly, I'm not sure why. I just met him. I shook it off and got in my mom's bright red car. As soon as I got home I plunged onto my bed slipping into a deep sleep almost instantly.

I usually spend my weekends reading fan fiction on my phone. I don't go anywhere in particular due to the fact that I am not that close with my new friends yet. I dreaded Mondays, especially this Monday coming up. It was the gala. Now you'd think because our school is so big that we'd own a pool? Well we don't, so we make use of a neighboring primary school's one. It's not far from our school, but that meant that after school on Monday we _all _had to walk down to the primary school. And that did not sound like fun considering our school has over 1000 pupils. I decided to stop thinking about Monday and having to walk. Luckily I was not swimming at the gala. I did not volunteer but I had to attend, it was compulsory unfortunately.

You should never set your favorite song as your alarm. You will grow to hate it, listening to it will remind you of that horrible feeling when you are pulled from your dreams and into the suckish world of reality.

_System Of A Down's Chop Suey _started playing. I lifted my head groggily and grabbed my phone that was lying on my bedside table. I hit the 'cancel' button and plunged back down onto the pillow. It was 6am. I should probably get ready. I got up from my bed and started to make it up. I am a rather messy sleeper. I checked my phone for messages. I had 3 missed calls from my brother, Dean. He is sixteen and lives with my dad in London while I am stuck with my dead beat mother with a severe bipolar disorder. My brother and Dad sometimes visit their house in a closer city nearby; I then get to visit them during holidays. I sigh; I'll phone him after school. I put my phone down and went to take a quick shower and got my school clothes on. My mother was still sleeping; I rolled my eyes and woke her up. She was in a good mood today. I tried not to do anything to set her off. She was rather sensitive, if I close the door to hard or put my toothbrush in the incorrect place I could end up getting yelled at. It was a constant struggle trying not to set her off.

I walked into the kitchen and opened the medication cabinet. It was full of tubes and boxes of numerous medications. I grabbed my set and filled a glass of water and took my medicine. Mental illness runs in my family. My brother is ADHD, my mother is Bipolar and I'm clinically depressed. I still think medication doesn't help me; I ignore my emotions most of the time, because I cannot handle them. I fear that I might inherit my mother's disorder. I tend not to dwell on it too much.

My mom dropped me off at school rather early. I walked through the gates and made my way to where my friends would usually be. Mandy, Haley and Kat were standing by the scoreboard. Kat was a socially awkward outcast. And she wasn't generally very attractive, but I felt sorry for her, so many people gave her hell because of how she looked when in fact she was actually a very nice person and had an amazing personality. "Hey", I greeted. I hugged each of them, they initiated it though, I'm not fond of hugging and they seemed to do that a lot at this school. "You want to hang out at my house after the gala; it's literally on the way, your mom can you pick you up at my house if you want." She said. "Are you going?" I asked Haley. "Yeah why not", she said. I nodded and pulled out my phone texting my mother asking her if it was okay. My mother replied rather quickly with a 'yes'. "My mom said yes", I told Kat. Kat seemed to perk up. The bell rang and we went to our classes.

When school was over the mass majority of the students started their journey to the pool. First we had to change into our house colors. I was in blue house so I wore a pair of blue shorts and a blue t-shirt along with my blue Converse shoes. Kat was in Black and White so she had a little more freedom of choice. She wore black pants with ankle shoes and a white shirt. Haley was in Red so she wore a red jogger's shirt and skinny jeans.

When we arrived at the gala I was slightly confused. There weren't as many students present as there were supposed to be. I thought this was compulsory and half the school didn't show up. I was slightly upset because I could be doing better things right now. Unfortunately I could not sit with Kat and Haley because they were in different houses. I saw Haley sit next to marc, they got pretty comfy. But then Mandy had to come sit rather close to marc too, there was tension but I would ask Haley for details later. I stood awkwardly with the group of people behind me. I didn't really know anyone, there were a few girls who were in my class but they didn't seem like they wanted to be approached so I left it. I looked at Kat who was sitting with a group of friends in her house. Our Houses were close together so we sat on the edge and started talking. I looked behind me and I saw the first aiders. Eli was standing, looking all mysterious. I contemplated going up to talk to him but I decided not to.

The gala was somewhat interesting. This girl from Kat's house was winning almost every race, she was in grade eight. I knew this because she was very loud and dragged her friends around. She was short and had her reddish hair cut like a guys. She seemed interesting. When she was done swimming she sat with Eli, I think they might be related.

When the gala was done, Kat and I met up with Haley and Mandy. Mandy ran off with Marc. Kat and I said nothing as Haley looked bleakly at the ground. We started walking towards Kat's house.

Once we arrived there it seemed her parents were not home. Her house was decent. Rather well cleaned and looked after. We walked into Kat's room that was filled with pictures of Zack Effron. "Zack Effron?" I asked. Kat said nothing. Haley giggled. "We can go swim?" Kat offered. "I can't, my hair", I said. Haley rolled her eyes. "I'll swim", she said. Her phone made a sound. She grabbed it and it was a message from Marc. "Marc wants me to come over later." She said while blushing. She handed me the phone and I read the message. I nudged her. She blushed again. "Well are you gonna go?" I asked. "Of course! But only later", she said. I decided to look through her photos. I was scrolling till my heart dropped. It was a picture of _him._ The Taylor Lautner boy. "Who is this?!" I asked while showing her the picture. "Oh that's Caleb." She said. "How do you know him?" I asked. "He goes to my youth. He's good-looking hay?" she asked. "Incredibly." I stated. "You like him don't you?!" She asked. "I don't know him." I said. "Yet!" she exclaimed. "You know, I used to like him, I even ordered one of those jellybeans to be sent to him on valentine's day, we can say it's from you." She said. I hesitated. "Why not?" I said. "Yay!" she exclaimed. Haley and Kat then began to make their way to the pool. I followed and sat by while they swam. It was Valentine's Day on Friday, and on Friday night it was the Valentine's Day Disco. Every girl had been talking about it. I had already bought my ticket. I was reluctant to go because I didn't want to wear a dress. But maybe it would be worth it.

The next day came fairly quickly. I was walking to class when Mandy rushed up to me. "GUESS WHAT!" she exclaimed. "What?" I asked. "I have a boyfriend!" she said. "You do?" I asked. "Yeah he's in grade 9 and his name is Blake." She said. I hugged her and congratulated her. I then went off to class.

As soon as the bell rang for break I practically ran out of that math class. I needed the bathroom badly. I passed the library where I saw Mandy being held by a guy, who I assumed was Blake, and standing next to them was Caleb and someone else. I quickly went to the bathroom then I went over to Mandy. "Hi." I said. "Hey Danielle, this is Blake and Caleb and Bret." She said. I nodded. So this is how I can get to know Caleb, through Mandy. I was slightly happy. We all spoke about random things till we had to go back to class.

The day ended in its usual routine. When I got home I got a strange message from and unknown number:

Unknown: "Hey."

Me : "Hello random person, who are you?"

Unknown: "Blake."

How odd. I asked Mandy why Blake has my number; she said she gave it to him. Even odder. Blake and I spoke for a while, he seemed impressed with the fact that I played guitar and liked punk and metal. He was decent. His appearance was also okay. He was tall and had orange hair. He also had freckles but he was handsome in a way. Not my type though. I was happy for Mandy. This also meant that I would be able to get closer to Caleb. And I liked that idea.

When Friday rolled around I was rather reluctant to go to school, but I had to. I planned on going home with Haley and we would get ready for the dance together. I packed an extra bag filled with supplies I would need to get ready for the dance. It was rather heavy and weighed me down.

When I got to school almost every girl had a red rose in their hand. Couples were walking on the field together holding hands. It was pretty much like that the entire day. When second break rolled around Haley suggested I go talk to Caleb and told me that he had received _'my' _jellybean that was originally sent by Haley. I nodded. I searched for him and found him standing outside the library. "Hey." I said. "Hey, you were the one that sent me that jelly bean right?" he asked. "Yeah." I replied. "Why?" he asked. I started to get fidgety. "I um wanted to um get to er know you um like better—" I started panicking. He gave me a weird look. I suddenly felt incredibly self-conscious. "Hey." Kat said interjecting the conversation. Caleb looked at me and then walked away. "What are you doing Kat?" I asked angrily. "You looked like you were going to pass out dude." She said while trying to hold back her laughter. I sighed. "You know, he doesn't even know your name." she said. Well that doesn't make me feel any better. "Thanks for saving me Kat." I said as I went back to class.

I arrived at my class early because I really wanted to be alone, I honestly have never been that nervous in my life. If Kat hadn't come, I would have probably passed or thrown up on him or something. I tend to forget I have difficulty speaking to people. Especially good looking people. "Daniiiiiiii what happened?" Haley said while running over to me. Kat followed her. "Nothing." I said. "Danielle nearly passed out when she tried to talk to Caleb." Kat said. Haley burst out into laughter. I gave them both the death stare. "Hey look on the bright side; you might see him at the dance tonight." She said, I nodded and walked into class.

When I arrived at Haley's house after school we started to get ready. I decided to wear a plain black dress with pumps and my hair up in a bun. I don't usually dress up so I wasn't sure what to do. Haley came out in a white mini dress with a silver chain and she wore white Converse and covered up with a Monster jacket. She looked horrible but I said nothing. Haley lived very close to school so we walked to the dance. When we arrived there was blaring music and the hall was literally transformed into a club. It was amazing.

We found Mandy and Kat. They both looked really pretty. We greeted and then we danced for a while. Haley was constantly looking for Marc. When we found him she was excited. But he brushed her off. She kept trying to get his attention but nothing worked. Some slutty girl was grinding up against him. She started to get angry and asked if she could talk to Marc outside. Surprisingly he agreed. I came with for moral support. "Look Marc I love you, I want to be with you." She said. "I just want to be single." He said simply and walked away. Haley looked devastated. She started crying. I decided that we should just leave. She kept saying how she thought he was high. I agree he did look incredibly high tonight. But Haley was going on as if she got the biggest slap in the world. I mean honestly, the fact that he wouldn't be seen with her in public kind of made this more likely to happen. "He is just guy Haley." I kept saying through her muffled sobs as we walked home. She stopped. "Yeah just a guy that I lost my virginity too." She stated. Oh, well. Fuck.

**So that was the first one. Yeah. And most of this happened to me in real life, just changed the names. ^-^ Taaaaa! **


	2. Chapter 2

**Yeah. Chapter 2**

"**Everything you say can and will be held against you so only say my name"- Fall Out Boy **

The last few days have been odd. Haley was a black cloud of depression who just wanted to be left alone. So naturally I spent time with Mandy, Caleb and Blake. Blake and I had been talking quite often. We had become good friends. Caleb and I? Not so much. I also made friends with Scarlet. She was in the sixth grade eight class. She was Eli's friend and she was rather nice. We both liked the same bands and we became friends rather quickly.

At break I went over to our usual spot only to find Mandy and Bret. "Hey, where are Blake and Caleb?" I asked. "They got busted smoking in their school uniform; they got suspended for a week." Bret said. Mandy shook her head in disappointment. I shrugged.

The rest of the day seemed pretty bleak. When I got home I started messaging with Blake.

He said that his parents were not aware that he was suspended because he hasn't given them the letter and that he would just pretend to go to school and not actually go just so his parents wouldn't know that he got suspended. Then, he asked me to bunk school and hang out with him. I thought very carefully about this. Usually we could go to Haley's house after school because her parents leave early. I asked Haley and she agreed to join us. I had a strange feeling that this was a bad idea, but I shook it off.

The next day my mom dropped me off at school and I walked to Haley's house. Her parents had already left and we waited for Blake to join us. When Blake arrived, Bret had joined him. We chilled for most of the day, and then we started playing loud music and danced around. Blake and I went to the shop to buy cigarettes. On our way we met up with Damon. He was rather good looking and had a reputation for getting into trouble a lot. He said that he was also suspended and had the same idea that Blake had, to just pretend to go to school. He joined us at Haley's house where we had a rather interesting game of Truth or Dare that ended up with Haley and Damon practically having sex. When suddenly Haley's dad bursts in the door. "All of you get out now." He said. We ran as fast as we could out of that house and grabbed our bags. We could hear Haley being shouted at aggressively. Her dad orders for her to put her uniform on and go back to school. We just ran, till we were far enough. Eventually we went back to school and my mom picked me up. I acted as If I had a lovely day at school. I knew that if I went back tomorrow, I would be caught.

Blake and I decided to also bunk the next day. But Caleb would be joining us. I looked forward to this. The next day my mom dropped me off at school and I walked out and went over to the park down the road where I met Bret, Blake and Caleb. We walked around and eventually ended up sitting at a Mc Donald's. I checked my phone and I nearly had a heart attack.

MOM : 12 MISS CALLS

MOM: WHERE ARE YOU?

MOM: THE SCHOOL PHONED THEY KNOW YOU BUNKED THEY KNOW WHO YOU ARE WITH. COME TO THE SCHOOL NOW!

MOM: ANSWER ME

My eyes went wide. I showed the messaged to the guys. They instinctively checked their phones; they were also receiving frantic messages from their parents. We all turned our phones off. "We can't go back; they'll be searching for us". Blake said. "We need to hide out somewhere tonight." Bret said. I agreed.

We ended up walking around our neighborhood for hours, trying to find a solution to our problem. "Alex said we can stay at his house tonight. His parents aren't home." Bret said while looking at his phone. We all sighed and went to Alex's house.

Alex was tall. He was _incredibly _tall. He had a fair complexion and brown hair. He was decent looking. When we arrived at his house we all sat down. I was shaking. Right now, my mother had reported me as being a missing person. The police, the neighborhood watch and literally everyone was looking for me. Blake held my hand and I rested on him. "It's okay", he said. I was wishing that Caleb was the one comforting me but I felt a strange attraction to Blake. I know he is my best friend's boyfriend but still.

As the night progressed everyone fell asleep except for Blake and I. We lay facing each other, our hands still intertwined. His face awfully close to mine. Then it happened, he kissed me, softly on the lips. I kissed him back and so forth and so on. Was I feeling guilty? Yes. But I needed that comfort. This went on for the entire night until I my jaw got practically sore from all the kissing.

In the morning we all got ready to face the music. We had to go back to school. We left Alex's house and were walking down the street. Blake and I hand in hand, until a car stops right next to us. I dropped Blake's hand immediately. It was my mother. "GET IN THIS CAR IMMEDIATELY; YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU HAVE PUT US ALL THROUGH WITH YOUR STUNT". She said. There was no use arguing. I hesitantly got in the care. A few police vans pulled up next to her and they escorted the boys into the vans. "We're going to the police station and you're going to explain yourself and where you have been." She said. I nodded.

When we got to the police station I saw Blake sitting down behind a glass door. I gave him a smile and he smiled back. A police officer approached me and gave me a long lecture, I didn't pay attention much.

Now I'd rather not go into detail into the events that took place after that. After numerous drug tests I got sent home. When school rolled by I got my fair share of detentions and head master detentions. But did this stop me? No. I bunked again with Blake, during exams, ruining my grades. At the time I didn't care. I ended up getting myself deeper and deeper into trouble and my feelings grew for Blake. In fact, he was still dating Mandy and seeing me behind her back. I know, it's horrible, but I couldn't help myself. I'll spare you the details. Blake and I have been secretly dating for a month till he was sent to boys town and I was sent to my father for the holidays in another city. He then broke up with me to be with Mandy because he felt bad for cheating. My mother stopped talking to me and I literally lost all my friends except for Scarlett who let me hang out with her. But my depression got worst, leading to a suicide attempt and some nasty scars.

I spared you the details because that was a horrible time for me to recall. It was the June holidays and I was sent to stay with my father for the duration of the holidays. My brother would be visiting. I suppose I should tell you about my brother. He's probably the best person to exist. He is my half-brother and is tall, blonde hair and deep brown eyes. He's had too many girlfriends for me to count. But he has always been there for me. He is literally the only person I consider family. My dad has remarried for the third time. And his new wife is pregnant. My dad doesn't really care about me to be honest. But I deal with it. He compensates by giving us large amounts of money.

When I arrived at the airport my brother was waiting for me. He stood in a purple onesie with matching vans. I rushed over and hugged him. "I missed ya." He said with his British accent. My brother lived in London, to get away from my family. He dropped out of school, is currently mooching off my dad, but he doesn't care. I carried my guitar case in my hand and my brother took my other bags. "Hey, you should meet my friend, Connor, he'll be at home. We're having a jam session.", he said. "Cool.", I said. I wonder who this Connor is. My brother always has hot friends and it's not necessarily fair because I lose my shit, literally, they are drop dead gorgeous.

We finally arrived at our house. It was rather large compared to my mother's small flat. It was triple story and looked slightly creepy, but we liked it like that. When we entered the door my dad greeted me. I dropped my bags in my room. I haven't been here in a while; it was exactly how I left it. My blue Fender guitar sat on my bed, it had gathered dust. My room was rather large. It was painted black and had numerous band posters plastered everywhere. My bed was rather large and had black sheets. I love black, it's the best color. Even my celling was black and filled with posters, the biggest being of Oliver Sykes, the lead singer of Bring Me The Horizon, my favorite band currently. I smiled lightly. I looked in my body length mirror. I was currently wearing a My Chemical Romance Danger Days T-shirt with Batman Leggings and vans. "Dani, come down here and bring your guitar." Dean shouted from downstairs. I quickly grabbed my guitar and ran downstairs. As I came downstairs I saw Dean with a guy, he was tall and had black hair, his black hair was swoopy and he only wore black. He held two drum sticks in his hand and smiled. "This is Connor." Dean said. "Hi." I said. Connor flipped his hair and winked at me. "Come on, let's jam." Dean said. I nodded and we walked into our music room. Our music room was large and painted a light blue color. It had a set of drums placed at the back. A few electric guitars and a bass stood on stands. My dad's vintage Red and White Fender stood in a glass case surrounded by numerous classic rock records that hung in glass cases. Our family loves music. We all play an instrument. I play guitar, my brother plays bass and guitar and my dad plays drums. Connor took a seat behind the drum set. "How good are you with that thing?" Connor asked motioning to my guitar. "I'm decent." I said. "Really? You've been playing since you were 6, you're more than decent." Dean said. I shrugged. I don't like playing in front of people. I always mess up. "Connor and I have practicing, but it never sounds right because I always play lead guitar and there's no-one to play bass, now that you're here you can play lead and I'll take bass." Dean said. I nodded. Dean picked up his bass guitar. "What do you want to play?" Connor asked. "What do you know?" I asked. "Let's take it from Smells Like Teen Spirit." Dean said. I smiled. We played it and it sounded pretty good. I was slightly off but I got the hang of it. We played a few more songs. "You're really good, I wish I could play guitar, I suck major balls." Connor said while getting up from behind the drum set. "It's true, he really does suck." Dean said while laughing. "Perhaps I'll teach you sometime." I said. He smiled at me. I smiled back.

**Short but yeah :D **


	3. Chapter 3

_**Maybe the wolf is in love with the moon, and each month it will cry for a love it will never touch." -unknown **_

**Chapter 3 : A new start**

My dad hadn't taken my stunt as harshly as my mother did. It was generally nice being at my dads. Connor came over regularly. It was nice, he was nice. Dean was dating a girl, her name was Ashley. She was tall and blonde and rather pretty, she had one flaw though. She was constantly trying to force religion on us. I found it ironic how Dean would date her considering he is an atheist. "She's hot." He would always say when I asked. She had a problem with me though. She wasn't fond of how I dressed and acted. I said "God." And "Jesus Christ." A lot. I try not to say these when Christians are around because I don't like offending people, but it slipped out now and then and I always got a death stare from her.

I tried to ignore her but it got to a point where Connor and I would hang out alone because she just wanted to be alone with my brother.

One morning I got up and went into Dean's room to look for a guitar pick. I noticed something odd. There were two people in the bed. Usually when Ashley sleeps over, Dean sleeps on the floor. They never sleep in the same bed. This could only mean one thing. My eyes widened and walked out of the room. They had _sex. _I was so confused. She was a Christian; she spoke about only having sex till she was married and she had a purity ring. I was so confused. Dean walked out of the room and looked at me. He was only wearing his boxers. He came up to me. "Fuck a Christian with morals, check." He said and went back to the bedroom. I should probably explain. My brother has this list of things he had to do before he got old. I was shocked honestly. I shook it off.

The next few days were okay. Connor and I had spent a lot of time together. I think that Dean had regretted sleeping with Ashley because he could not get rid of her. She was so clingy; she came over almost every day. It was _so _annoying.

Soon it was time for me to go back to my mother and go back to school. I didn't want to leave, school would be difficult. I would have to bring up my marks drastically and I would be stuck in detention practically the entire semester. But yet again, I did not have a choice.

X

Did I mention that I hate airports and flights? No? Well I do. I've been on them way too often. Whether it was an eleven and a half hour flight to London or just a two hour flight to visit my dad, I still hated airports. They were always so busy and I always had an irrational fear that I would lose my luggage or I would find myself flying an airplane because our captain was killed by snakes or something. I just didn't like it. I was sitting uncomfortably on my flight. It was currently Saturday and I had to go back to school on Monday. Monday, how I dreaded it. I doubt Mandy would talk to me after she found out about Blake and I. I was currently listening to a Radiohead song trying to block out the annoying people that were seated next to me. I always get seated next to annoying people, another reason why I hate flying. "Attention all passengers we will be landing shortly, we have begun our decent!" The captain's voice echoed through the intercom. I relaxed and tried to keep clam. This was always the worst part. The plane would always make a weird sound and I would start to get paranoid. I did not want to die this way; I wanted to die in a cool way like jumping into a volcano or falling off a roller coaster or something. The airplane slowly descended and we landed. It was bumpier than usual and of course I had thoughts of dying. When we landed I immediately unclicked my seat belt and got up. It was crowded but luckily I had no carryon luggage so I tried to get out of there as fast I could. When I arrived at baggage claim I started to get paranoid. What if my bag already passed? What if I'm too late? What if someone else took it? What if it fell off the plane? I kept thinking these things until I saw my bag emerge. I grabbed it quickly and headed for the exit. It was a long hallway to walk till where the general part of the airport was. When I eventually got there my mother was waiting for me. She looked at me and started walking. I followed her. She still wasn't talking to me. I got into her car and we went home. The entire journey was silent. When we arrived at home her small flat was even smaller compared to my father's house. I went to my room and un-packed my bag. I tried to relax a bit before I had to worry about school. I checked my schedule. Forty detentions and five headmaster detentions. Well, that's great. I threw the schedule on the floor and jumped into bed crawling under the covers. I put my headphones on and blocked the world out.

X

It was Monday morning and my mother had dropped me off at school and made sure that I went inside. I waited at the gate for Scarlett. When she arrived we bro hugged. She was aware I was not fond of hugging so we did a bro hug where we hug for 0.00000000000025 seconds. It worked for me. We spoke about bands and general things. We went to a group that I started hanging out with after my removal from Blake's group (Blake was now expelled but hung around after school for Mandy). We hung out with Eli, Adam, Garret, Bradley and Brent. Bradley and Brent were twins. I could never tell them apart. Scarlett was convinced she knew the difference but I disagree. Garret was tall and looked intimidating but he was literally a bear of cuteness and kindness. I really enjoyed hanging out with them, we all liked the same music and they were friendly. Scarlett had dated Bradley last year, she now liked Brent. She also made it rather obvious. We were standing in our group when two grade nines walked past us. Josh and Jaegar. Twins. They were our Geography teacher's sons. They were tall and had blonde hair. They were okay looking. Scarlett had dated Josh at the beginning of the year; they broke up after about three months. She wasn't quite over it yet. She looked down as they walked past. She was usually a very energetic person, but Josh seemed to hit a sensitive point for her. After they broke up she didn't speak for a week straight. I've never seen her that depressed, it was slightly worrying.

The bell soon rang and I said my goodbyes. When I got to class Mandy gave me a look and Haley didn't even greet. She was still hung up over Marc who was now dating someone else.

When we were all seated in our class our head teacher walked in. We all stood up and greeted her. "Is Danielle here?" She asked. I put my hand up. "Alright take your stuff, you will now be moved to the sixth grade eight class." She said. I nodded. The only good thing about that was that Scarlett was in that class. "You know where the class is right?" She asked. I nodded. "Right then, off you go." She said. I nodded back at her and walked to the class room. It was right at the top left corner of the school. I knocked on the door and the teacher looked up at me. She was rather old and had deep red hair; she wore glasses and dressed like she was twenty five. "You must be the new girl in our class yes?" She said while lifting her glasses. I nodded. Scarlett waved at me and motioned for me to sit next to her. The bell rang. "I'll sort you out later; you come here for Afrikaans period." She said. I nodded. Scarlett came up behind me. "Hey dude, I can't believe you were put in our class, this is awesome!" she said. I agreed. I followed her, Layyah and Erin. Layyah was tall and had black hair that was always rather messy. She was half Muslim half Christian (Camushlish?) She was a bit of girl. Erin was short and had long brown hair. She was pretty cool; we liked all the same bands. Thing about Erin is that if you piss her off, she will bitch slap you. She was slightly scary. "We have art now." Scarlett said. I nodded. As you can tell, I nod a lot. Force of habit I guess. When we got to the art class, I had to explain I was moved. Because I was moved I had a lot of new teachers. So I had to introduce myself. I was seated next to Scarlett, Erin or Layyah in each class. It was rather nice.

Scarlett and I were walking to Geography when I stopped her. "Hey dude I have to tell you something" I said. She looked at me rather skeptical. "I like Eli." I blurted out. Her eyes widened. I've actually never seen her look that shocked in her life. "No. Way." She said. I nodded. (I should keep a count of how many times I nod) "Excuse me girls, class has begun." Our Geography teacher said while standing outside her door. We quickly rushed into the classroom and sat down. Scarlett could not stop grinning at me, inevitably causing me to grin as well.

X

The bell had rung and it was time for break. Scarlett and I were walking down to find our people. We walked past Eli and his group. Scarlett stopped. "Eliiiiiiiiiiiiiiii Danielle has something to tell you." She said. "False." He stated. I nodded (again, yes I know) then, like a boss, I ran away. Scarlett was canning herself. I however, did _not _find it funny.


	4. Chapter 4

"_**What is an "instant" death anyway? How long is an instant? Is it one second? Ten? The pain of those seconds must have been awful as her heart burst and her lungs collapsed and there was no air and no blood to her brain and only raw panic. What the hell is instant? Nothing is instant. Instant rice takes five minutes, instant pudding an hour. I doubt that an instant of blinding pain feels particularly instantaneous."**__** - John Green. **_

**CHAPTER 4 : OTP? **

A few weeks had passed. Many events had taken place. I had been speaking to Eli more frequently. Layyah was dating Brandon. He was short guy, he had an _incredibly _rectangle like face. He actually looked quite similar to a gnome. Scarlett and I would laugh about this often. Layyah and Brandon would hold hands at break. Next to them would always be Erin and Kayden. Kayden was rather pudgy and had black hair, he had deep blue eyes. He and Erin had been dating on and off for a while. She broke up with him a few times because he was clingy and needy. And that he was, but she always took him back. Instead of hanging out with Eli's group we started hanging out with another group. Layyah, Brandon, Erin, Kayden and a few others. That other consisted of KC, he was tall and in grade nine and he was _incredibly _good looking. He had a slight crush on Layyah. Scarlett had a slight crush on him. This caused a lot of complications.

While Scarlett and Layyah were trying to get closer to KC, I had a few things going on. My mother was having an episode every other week. It got to the point where I had walked in on her trying to kill herself _again. _I wasn't in a very good space. I was self-harming every other day. Whether it be cutting or burning. Every time at school when I felt like I was going to cry I would snap a rubber band against my wrist over and over again to stop myself. I started caring less about my appearance and just wanted to be left alone. My brother had Skyped me every night and told me to hang in there. It was hard though, it was _incredibly _hard.

X

My brother had come down to visit me, along with his friend Ashton. Ashton was a rather nice guy. We hit it off. We jammed together and played Xbox and everything.

One night my brother left me alone with him.

"You know, you're rather pretty." He said. I looked at him weirdly. I smiled. He smiled. He took off his jacket to reveal his scars on his wrist. I looked slightly perplexed. "I got these when my mother died." He said. I looked confused. "I know what you're going through; walking in on your mom trying to kill herself can't be nice. And I know you're depressed and stuff." He said. He took off his shirt and I nearly cried. He had scars all over his body. Some of them had been stitched up. He also had burn marks on his sides. Water formed in my eyes. "I want you to understand that." He took my hand and slid up my sleeve and started rubbing his thumb against my scars. "That this is not the answer, a good friend is." He said. "I cut, burned and everything. But when I met your brother he literally took me out of my depression, helped me feel more optimistic about life." He said. "You need to find yourself a friend like that, and if you can't there's always me." He said. "Someone who loves you and will look after you to prevent you from hurting yourself." He said. "Who would love someone like me? Someone with scars?" I asked. "You'll be surprised. If there's someone in particular you should tell them or ask for help or something. It's okay to ask for help. It is not pathetic." He said. I hugged him. "Do you love my brother?" I asked. "Of course I do!" he exclaimed. I shifted. "No, I mean do you _love _him?" I asked. He laughed. "I'm not gay." He said. I chuckled to myself. "Just checking." I said. Ashton took my hand. "You know, you are indeed rather pretty." he said. And with that he placed a kiss firmly on my lips.

X

More weeks had passed and things were going great. Scarlett's crush on Brent grew stronger and she still had a slight crush on KC and Josh. I was talking to Eli a lot; I could say that we were _strong _acquaintances. I obviously still liked him. Layyah had broken up with Brandon after he sent her a dick pic. Erin had dumped Kayden because she could not handle him being clingy anymore. We were all happy I suppose, no we were _content _with our lives at the moment. The third semester passed. Our holidays had only been a week and I did nothing interesting enough for me to write it down. When the fourth term started up the work was harder and I started studying to prepare myself for the final exams.

Scarlett and I had become _super _best friends. She knew every aspect of my life. I had not told her about Ashton though, it never came up. Dean had left back to London as well.

My mother was moving out of the area that we lived in. That meant I had to change schools. I did not want to change schools at all. We got into a gigantic argument. "Well, I am sorry, we are moving and if you have a problem with that then you're just going to have move in with your father." She said. I hesitated. "Actually, that's exactly what you're going to do, because I don't want you to live with me anymore." She said. I was at a loss for words. "You're just having another mood swing; did you take your medication?" I asked. And with that I received a lovely backhand to the face that sent my glasses flying across the room.

X

"December 10th flight JE022786 TO HEATHROW AIRPORT" My ticket read. I was going to London during the December holidays, like I always did. Well for half of it then I was going to move in with my dad in another city. The bright side of that being: living with my brother and seeing Connor and Ashton every day. The down side? I would miss Scarlett and my friends. I had grown close to Erin as well. I would also miss Eli, even though our conversations were short, I _still _had feelings for him. I ignored them though, they were pathetic.

A week had passed and I was talking to Ashton a lot. I had asked Eli if he had self-harmed and he said yes, I also asked him for advice on how to stop and he said we could talk about it, we never did though.

The last few days of school were great. I spent them with Scarlett and Erin mostly, ravishing in Oliver Sykes' good looks. It was great, _really, _it was great. About a week before school ended, the school ran this program where we would all come to school in civvies and do _fun _activities. I arrived at school and quite a lot of people had actually showed up. I saw Eli and greeted him. We spoke briefly. I tried to avoid him numerous times because he _does _have a girlfriend. But I have discovered that I indeed suck epically at avoiding people, actually I end up with them _more _than usual. He sensed that I was slightly put off and tried to say something about it, so did Scarlett. When the day ended I rushed ahead of them and got in my brothers car. I saw Eli, Scarlett and a few others approaching the gate as we drove away, at that moment I knew that was the last I would see of Eli probably for a very long time. And strangely enough, I was okay with that.

X

Remember when I said I hate flying? Yeah my opinion still hasn't changed. Eleven and a half fucking hours on a plane. Don't get me wrong, I love going to the UK and seeing my brother and our other family. It's great, really it is. And my brother hooked me up with tickets to see _Black Veil Brides_ when they perform in London. I think this was because he felt bad for not taking me to see _Black Sabbath. _But I wasn't bothered. I would get to see Andy Biersack, in person. And I was _really _excited because come on, that man is literally a sex god (After Gerard Way though). But I still _hate _flying.

I landed at Heathrow airport earlier than was expected. After I had gone through customs I noticed something amazing! They had a Doctor Who exhibit. And me being a Dr Who fan, I totally fangirled. I took a few pictures and contemplated on sending them to Eli, I knew he was a fan too. But I decided not to.

I eventually found my brother. I hugged him. When we got to his apartment I literally fell asleep on the spot.

Dean had woken me up because we had to go back to our family house. I would usually stay at Dean's apartment when I visited but occasionally we would go to my dad's house.

When we got there my dad and his wife were there, we all had tea and then went our separate ways. I got ready for my BVB concert. I was incredibly excited, no _really, _I was excited.

Luckily they didn't ask me for my ID so I got in. I was _right _in front and had the _perfect _view of Andy. It was literal heaven. I sang with to every song and moshed. It was the best night ever.

X

What do you call that feeling you get when you _finally _feel happy. When everything is utterly _perfect? Well it was, everything was perfect… _

Until.

It was three in the morning when we got the phone call. My brother screamed and collapsed on the ground. I started to panic. What If my mother had succeeded in killing herself? Then again my brother didn't care about my mother and wouldn't react that way. I looked at him. He was in a fetal position. It took me hours to get him to calm down. He still wouldn't tell me what happened. Then he said it. "Ashton committed suicide." At that second, everything went dark.

**Xoxo *Frerard hugs* ! **


	5. Chapter 5

"_**Grief does not change you. It reveals you."- John Green. **_

**CHAPTER 5**

I haven't spoken, moved, eaten or even left my room for three days. I never knew what grief was, and if I was handling it properly. My brother was in an equally depressing state. He'd come in to check on me and remove dangerous objects from my room, I found this ironic considering he now only wore long sleeves. And sometimes they were stained red, but he didn't seem to care that his old habits were showing. I hadn't self-harmed, it seemed selfish at the moment. Especially after what Ashton had said. The temptation was there though. Even though my brother found and removed what he could, I always had a backup. A single blade that sat in between the pages of my favorite book. I couldn't get it, not now, it was not the time.

My dad knocked on my door, I said nothing. He walked in slowly and placed a white envelope on my bed side table, he then walked out. I stared at the envelope for a while till I decided to reach out and take it. My name was written in cursive on the one side. I slid out the contents of the envelope.

"_**Danielle, **_

_**You have been invited to attend and morn in the loos of Ashton Elliot, **_

_**45 Churchill Street **_

_**21st December 2013"**_

I was not sure how to respond. In fact I didn't even get a chance. Dean stormed into my room, grabbed the envelope and ripped it up. "We're not going," he said.

X

I've only been to a few funerals in my life. I was not fond of them. They say that it's time to remember someone, Reminisce in all the things they had done right in their life, celebrate them. But it's never really like that. I've found, instead of celebrating their life, people wish and pray that they come back. Or even say the things to them then that they couldn't when that person was alive. And I think that is slightly selfish. You should hold a ceremony to celebrate them, not to get things off _your _conscious.

Dean was still stubborn and refused to attend the service. Connor had offered to take me, I had accepted.

The funeral was emotional to say the least. The slideshows of his face, emotional music, the speeches. If anything this made me miss him more. Connor had held my hand the entire time. He was also crying throughout the service.

It was over rather quickly and I was glad. When we arrived at home Dean was cold with me. He did not want me to attend the funeral. "Why did you go? I told you not you. And you!" he said pointing to Connor, "Should NOT have taken her! You knew what was going on". "What is YOUR problem? Seriously, he was your friend and you don't even want to pay your respects?!" I shouted. "You only went because you thought he loved you!" He shouted. What was he implying? "Excuse me? He was there for me when you weren't okay, He was a good person." I said. "No he was selfish." Dean said simply. "How dare you call him selfish, he was ANYTHING but selfish." I exclaimed, tears now rolling down my eyes. "He didn't love you, he felt sorry for you." Dean said. "He was MY friend." Dean continued. "If he was your friend why didn't you help him, why did YOU let him commit suicide?" I screamed. I regretted it as soon as I said it. Dead just looked at me. "Dean… I'm sorry." I said, I tried to reach out for him. "Don't touch me." He said. "Just… Don't." He said again. We didn't speak for a long time after that,

X

It was Christmas Eve and Connor was over. He came over for me to teach him a few riffs on guitar. I was excited. Dean still wasn't speaking to me though. Connor was sitting on my bed. He was struggling with a Green Day riff I taught him. "I suck at this." He said while missing almost every note. "Yes, you kind of do." I said while laughing. I gave him a sympathetic look. "Help me!" he said. I sighed. I went over to him and came up behind him. We were _awfully _close together. My hand slid over his as I guided his fingers where to go on the fret board. I then took his other hand and helped him strum correctly. He started getting closer to me. I lifted an eyebrow. "Are you… smelling me?" I asked rather innocently. He burst out into laughter. I found this rather offensive. I gave him a disappointed look. "No, no I was not smelling you." He said. "Then what?" I asked. He leaned in closer again, but this time he kissed me. Now well obviously I was surprised. I seriously did not expect that at all. Dean walked in my room about half way through the kiss. "Well it's about god damn time." He said. Connor started laughing, Dean smiled at me. I sighed. He was still upset, I could tell.

After I had finished my lesson with Connor he came up to me. "Danielle, Will you, you know, be my, you know." He said awkwardly. I gave him a skeptical look then laughed. "Sure." I said. We hugged and then I let him out. When I closed the door, Dean was standing behind me. I got a slight fright. "I need to talk to you." He said. I nodded and followed him into his room. He sat down on his bed and I did the same.

"The reason why I was angry at you was because.." He stopped, a tear rolled down his cheek. "Ashton and I, we kind of… we were…" He trailed off. My eyes got wide. "WAIT. Were you doing what I think you were doing?" I asked. He nodded. Well, holy shit.


End file.
